Summer School Lessons for a Middle-Aged English Teacher (Lessons #1 – 16 plus a question)

It is a bad idea to start painting the deck at 1:30 in the afternoon.
A better idea would have been to write the graduation card that I couldn’t write because I was too emotional.
Another better idea would have been to unload the dishwasher.
An even better idea would have been to fold and put away the piles of clothes on my dining room table.
It is a bad idea to start painting the deck with less than a 1/2 gallon of stain.
It is a bad idea to go to go to WalMart in sweatshorts, a t-shirt, a hat, and big dark glasses because you boycotted HomeDepot because the co-founder endorsed Trump.
It is a bad idea to buy stain the color of red cedar wood; turns out it is a stain with a color.
It is a really bad idea to paint the top railing of the deck and then bend over to paint the sides.
Painting and impatience do not go together.
Sticking a big brush in a small ruins separates the bristles and makes it so the brush can’t hold paint.
Paint splatters. Paint flips. Fortunately, the dogs think the drips, the flips, the splatters look like a Jackson Pollock. Since it is their backyard, I’ll just leave it.
Painting barefoot is a bad idea. When you walk on the paint, it tracks inside.
Stain resistant carpet is not resistant to stain.
Vegetable oil removes stain from your skin.
Vegetable oil is slippery.
If I slipped and fell in the bathtub, covered in vegetable oil, would the dogs eat me before my friends found me?
Cut your losses. Just put it all in the garbage.

About Julie Hooker

I'm a teacher, writer, and editor. In addition, I'm an animal rescuer, yogi, and friend.

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