What Would You Do if You Could Do it All Over?

What Would You Do from If Then


Dwight taught me to love musical theater. In the mustard yellow Range Rover, the silver Subaru, and my green Legacy, Dwight belted out show tunes including Soliloquy from Carousel. (I thought he sounded like Frank Sinatra.) We passed the time driving to and from Sundance listening to The Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, and Cats. Together, we saw Miss Saigon ON Broadway. Musicals matter in my life.
I wish my Mighty Dwighty Hooker was here to enjoy Hamilton and If/Then. 
If/Then is my new favorite contemporary musical. It speaks to me as 40-something. It reminds me of New York. And, it reminds me to “love wherever and whenever” I can.
Now, after The Little Prince, the song, “What Would You Do?” requires me to answer.
If you met him tomorrow and knew you would lose him
If you saw him and saw all the hurt you would know
Would you hold him while you had him
Or let him go?

If you knew that your laughter would not last forever
But you knew while it did you would breathe it like air
Would you let him make you love him?
Would you dare?

Feeling like you feel today
Tell me you’d just walk away

What would you do if you could do it all over?
What would you do if you could start it all new?
If you could go back knowing what you know now
What would you do?

Feeling like I feel today, I would not just walk away. If I could do it all over, I wouldn’t change a thing, except, of course, for the outcome.
Lil’ P and me were together for 39 days.
Of those 39 days, he spent two nights without me; those were two of the longest  and loneliest nights I’ve ever had.
39 days. 37 nights.
My heart hurts. But, I would do it all over again.
The Little Prince made me brave.
By design, my life is small.
A man who loved me and wanted to be a part of my life said, “You hide behind your dogs. You keep bringing more in, so you don’t have to go out.”
He was right.
My furry family makes my life big and small, at the same time.
My furry family makes me friends in neighborhood, friends on Facebook (because I’m old and don’t Instagram), and makes common ground for my mom and me.
The Little Prince made me travel to Fort Collins, Colorado. He gave my mom the opportunity to mother the Hooker Horde and my neighbors. None of my best friends and neighbors have mothers — they have either lost their moms, live far away from them, or don’t really get along.
The Little Prince made me brave. The two of us road-tripped. That was scary for me. It was just the two of us.
The Little Prince made me brave. I learned to wrap wounds, check stitches, and give medicine.
The Little Prince taught me to love unconditionally. People on Facebook followed him; donors I didn’t know, helped with his expenses; and, the only thing that mattered to me was helping him heal.
I would do it ALL over again.

About Julie Hooker

I'm a teacher, writer, and editor. In addition, I'm an animal rescuer, yogi, and friend.
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