Faith’s Auntie T used to ask, “Where’s Faith? I didn’t see her.”

Since Faith was so petite, that was our in-joke.

Now, when I look, she’s everywhere and nowhere.

These moments hurt my heart today.

1.Finding a big clump of fur in the powder room. I vacuum, but . . . there’s still a lot of fur around here.  Everything, from the sofa to the floor, has a thin layer.

2.Making chicken and vegetables for the week. Faith would have been in her spot and I would’ve said, “Excuse the momma.” Then, she would have licked the bowl. Dwight’s son, Tommy, used to tell me, “It’s not a meal without a little dog fur.”  How will I ever eat again?

3. Picking up poop in the backyard . . . I pick up every single day. But, in the winter, sometimes a layer of snow falls and I miss bits. So, every day we have without snow, I may find and pick up a little bit. What will happen when there is no more to pick up?

4. Washing out the water bowls . . . I don’t have words. When she drank, she drank with gusto. “Having a little happy hour?” I’d ask.

5. Maybe the reason I’m crying while I type is because I can’t sleep without the sound of her snoring.

When I called Dwight to tell him I was getting a Bernese, he said, “Don’t do it.  It will break your heart. They live so short a time.

Dwight, you were right.  Please take care of my big girl for me.  I imagine her running with Tank and Samantha. I see her next to you. I see you feeding her from your fork. I see you looking into her eyes and saying, “Oh, look at those pretty brown eyes.  You are your momma’s girl.”  

Then, I look up and see this. . . and I know she’ll keep watch over us.