Remember how hard you laughed in AP European History when Mrs. Martha Ann Rampton Erikson Cole broke into the song, “Let’s Begin the Inquisition,” back when you were in high school?
Well, we need to begin the INTERVENTION.
Mom, we appreciate the way you cook for us. You’re a vegetarian; but, every week you slow cook chicken for us. You give us our vegetables in the most palatable way imaginable (covered in chicken juice).
When Princess decided she didn’t want to go upstairs at night, you started hosting sleepovers in the living room.
Our house morphed into a yoga studio with a lot of downward facing dogs because Princess and Faith started slipping on the hardwood floors. In fact, today, you took it to the extreme buying some foamy weird baby thing for the floor because it was thicker.
But, mom, we’re worried.
In December, we humored you. We wore the collars. We posed.
In general, we’re good with that for Christmas and Easter. (Funny since you’re not even a big Easter person.)
Then, on Princess’ birthday, in homage to our Kaibab family, you scored the LOVE donut at the grocery store. It was fine.
We didn’t even un-stuff it.
Houston humored you. (Of course he did. He’ll do anything for you.)
But, today when you bought the foam-y baby thing for the floor, you found a donut costume.
Fortunately, it didn’t fit anyone but Betty White. Since she has dementia, she will probably forgive you.
But, when you put Princess’ donut on Houston . . .
Even Houston who never complains, was NOT amused.
This is our INTERVENTION.
Thanks for taking care of us. Thanks for going to school. Thanks for paying the mortgage on our $500,000 dog house.
But, mom . . .you may need to find new friends.
The Hooker Horde