ME:   (on the telephone) Hello, Mother!

MOM:  I was just about to call you.

ME:  What were you going to call me?

MOM: (pause) My smart beautiful daughter. But, I was worried you may have tried to call and I was gone all day.

ME:  Where were you?

MOM:  First, I had to go to TOSH, for physical therapy. Then, because I was almost out of my Belgian Buttermilk Waffle Cookies, I went to Trader Joe’s to stock up. And, I was out of pecan brittle so I had to go to Cumming’s Chocolates.

ME:  (rolling my eyes and thinking about a sugar coma) Busy day.

MOM: Now, when are we going to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get you an iron and an ironing board.  That’s what I’m getting you for your birthday.

ME:  Really?

MOM: I’m practical.