ME: Do you have pets?
HIM: I have fifteen plants. I also collect movies. I have 1,200 on VHS and DVD. I collect art, too. Pets would make a mess.
ME to MYSELF: This date could end before the waiter brings our water if I tell him I have five dogs.
HIM: Here’s the wine list. I don’t drink. I don’t like the taste.
ME to MYSELF: I’m going to need more than a glass. I’ll order a carafe of Troublemaker Red.
HIM: I had a big lunch, so I’m just going to order a salad.
ME: So, you collect films. Which of the Oscar nominations did you enjoy?
HIM: I didn’t see any films. I don’t like the Oscars. I boycott them each year. They are too political. Did you see any?
ME: I loved Spotlight. The subject was tough, but it was fantastic. Great acting. And, I loved that it celebrated journalism.
ME: I also saw Room. That was tough to watch, too. But, the acting was brilliant. I loved the little boy.
HIM: Did you see The Revenant?
ME: No. It looked a little intense for me.
HIM: I know someone who walked out after ten minutes because of the violence. I don’t see films like that. I am anti-violence and pro-gun control.
ME: (Smiling and nodding.)
Mike, our waiter brought the wine in a carafe and poured my glass. The date picked up the carafe, raised it to his nose, commented on the bouquet and proposed a toast.
THEN, he drank from the carafe.
After a few bites of salad, he reached over and drank from the carafe again.
I knew I was on a first and last date.
Later that evening, in the powder room with my girlfriend . . .
GIRLFRIEND: He’s very nice. But, he’s not for you.
ME: He drank out of the carafe.
GIRLFRIEND: What kind of carafe? Water or wine?
GIRLFRIEND: Ewwwwww. That’s why meet and greets should be over coffee.