MOM: What did the dermatologist say?
ME: I’m fine. There’s nothing suspicious. I go in every six months to check.
MOM: Well, why is your face always so pink?
ME: I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it. She said I was fine.
MOM: Your face didn’t look like that when you were growing up. Maybe it’s your makeup.
ME: Because I want my face to be pink? It’s not my makeup.
MOM: Well, what is it?
ME: I don’t know. It’s like you said, I’m an old lady now.
MOM: Oh, I didn’t say that. I said you were middle-aged. Now, let me ask you this. Have you started “the change?”
ME: Mom! You asked me that the last time you told me I was old. The answer is still “no.”
MOM: Oh, I did not.
ME: Yes, you did. You’re older than me. My memory is better.
MOM: Oh, well, then, are you sure you haven’t started?
ME: Well, it is hot. Oh, wait! It’s June.
MOM: Do you have regular periods?
Coming SERIOUSLY close to losing it.
ME: Yes. I have one period each year.
MOM: That’s not regular!
ME: I take birth control so I don’t have to have a period every month. I don’t enjoy them. I left out any talk of other reasons for birth control.
MOM: Well, who does like Aunt Flow?
ME: (to myself) Kill me now.
MOM: But, only having one period a year doesn’t sound right. Who came up with that idea? I didn’t know they used the pill for that.