Don’t Fight for Somethng You Don’t Really Want

15 May 2014

When I was young, I was married to a very smart man. Dwight told me, “Your problem is you fight for things and people you don’t even want. You’re too tenacious.”

Dogs don’t do that.

Plush dog beds cover the slate floors. Giant marrowbones and toys are scattered throughout the house. Faith, Booker, and Gus give each other a respectful distance. But, it is more than that. If one of them has something, even a fresh juicy marrowbone, they don’t try to steal from one another.

It is not just about one dog getting someplace or something first. When dogs do not want something, they don’t fight for it.

I’m learning that lesson.

Until now, I was a feisty fighter for things that I either did not actually want or that did not serve me.

For example, I spent almost two months worrying and wondering what I could have done better, or what I could have done more to stay in a relationship where I was not valued. I fought. Well, I fought like a girl. I sent love letters with mini cinnamon Altoids (his favorite). I cried. I lost weight.

I just did not want to give up on the dream even though he was cruel, an alcoholic, and not astute enough to play nice for the benefit of his company and own reputation.

So, I fought. Instead of relaxing, releasing and only dealing with what was in front of me at the moment, like dogs, I thought making just one more batch of cookies, or buying just one more pair of cycling socks would save the relationship.

Dogs avoid volatility.

That’s smart.

Dogs seek ease. Dogs seek comfort. Dogs like routine.

Living with someone who drinks 2/3 of a bottle of scotch or gin each night, takes more pills for high blood pressure, anxiety and cholesterol than most 85-year-olds, and couldn’t wear the largest cycling jersey I could buy, really would not have been fun.

Being with man who sends mixed signals, is not comfortable. It’s not easy. In fact, it is confusing and downright frightening. But, I fought for it.

At the time, it seemed easier than letting go.

Now, I’ll be like the dogs.

I’ll take Dwight’s advice.

I won’t put up a fight for something I don’t want.