MOM-versations . . . MOM-versations . . .MOM-versations

MOM:  What did the dermatologist say?

ME:  I’m fine.  There’s nothing suspicious.  I go in every six months to check.

MOM:  Well, why is your face always so pink?

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ME: I don’t know.  We didn’t talk about it.  She said I was fine.

MOM: Your face didn’t look like that when you were growing up.  Maybe it’s your makeup.

ME: Because I want my face to be pink? It’s not my makeup.

MOM: Well, what is it?

ME: I don’t know.  It’s like you said, I’m an old lady now.

MOM: Oh, I didn’t say that.  I said you were middle-aged.  Now, let me ask you this.  Have you started “the change?”

Who Am I, Anyway?

Time for Change - Clock

Time for Change – Clock

ME: Mom!  You asked me that the last time you told me I was old. The answer is still “no.”

MOM: Oh, I did not.

ME: Yes, you did.  You’re older than me. My memory is better.

MOM: Oh, well, then, are you sure you haven’t started?

ME: Well, it is hot. Oh, wait! It’s June.

MOM: Do you have regular periods?

Coming SERIOUSLY close to losing it.

ME: Yes.  I have one period each year.

MOM: That’s not regular!

ME: I take birth control so I don’t have to have a period every month.  I don’t enjoy them. I left out any talk of other reasons for birth control.

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MOM: Well, who does like Aunt Flow?

ME:  (to myself) Kill me now.

MOM: But, only having one period a year doesn’t sound right. Who came up with that idea? I didn’t know they used the pill for that.

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MOM-versations

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MOM:  Call me tomorrow. Uncle Lawrence is not feeling very well, so we are not running errands together. I’ll be home all day.

ME:     Okay. I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow.

MOM:  Which doctor? Your regular doctor? Why? What’s wrong?

ME:     My regular doctor. It’s just my annual exam.

MOM:  Well, you make sure and tell her that your mother is worried about you. You need to put on ten more pounds. Tell her I said so.

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ME:     Okay.

MOM:  Maybe I should come up and go with you.

ME:     No words. Nothing.

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NEIGH-BORsations #1

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11:00 am, Sunday morning

Houston and I were walking.  The nice neighbor, the one that stops to talk with Jodi and me, making us feel like we are not old and boring, stopped his car next to me.

We visited. We talked about new business ideas, being celebrities, and plastic lining.

ME:  I need to go water my plants.

NEIGHBOR: Whenever I water, I have to pee.

ME:  (Head shaking. Wondering, did he just say that?)

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MOM-versations #2

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MOM-versations

8 June 2015

Mom and I have a monthly date with her ophthalmologist for eyeball shots. With an early diagnosis of macular degeneration, mom agreed to Lucentis shots. I think she is very brave.

When we enter on the main level, we walk straight to the elevator. Mom always says, “I’m going to get a good long drink of water” while I push the call button on the elevator.

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ME:     Of course you are.

MOM:  I think that I am healthier now that I drink more water.

ME:     Well, it’s important to stay hydrated.

MOM:  No. Really. It keeps me regular. So many people I know have to use laxatives. But, not me.

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Vanity Fair

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When Dwight and I were in New York in the early Nineties, we were fortunate to wander into an Annie Leibovitz exhibit. We spent hours inside. Dwight pointed out how she used lighting to create texture.

We subscribed to Vanity Fair together. For almost 25 years, the magazine has been in my mailbox.

Dwight made sure I had a subscription every year.

With the buzz about Caitlyn Jenner, I realized my subscription expired. Dwight renewed it each year for Christmas. Then, we spent the year discussing articles and photographs.

But, last year, he was on a ventilator.

Yesterday, I renewed our subscription.

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Oh, God, I miss him so.

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MOM-versations

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MOM-versations

MOM:  I found I didn’t have much Rachmaninoff and I wanted to hear what Nicole played. So, I went to Barnes and Noble to buy a CD. I found one with “Prelude Opus 23/5.” Do you think that’s it?

ME:     Yes. That is how it is listed in the program.

MOM:  Well, I’ll hold the phone next to the stereo and you tell me if it sounds like what she played.

ME:     That’s not really in my wheelhouse, mom. I can’t hear music.

MOM:  Well, I know you can’t sing on pitch.

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Houston, No Problem!

Houston, We Don’t Have a Problem

Hu-mom says I don’t have anything to write about because I’m so fabulous.

It’s been weeks since I’ve heard, “Houston, we have a problem.”

In May, I de-squeaked and unstuffed giraffes, lambs, and a red Christmas stocking. I should not have scattered the stuffing in the living room, but I didn’t chew anything that didn’t belong just to me.

Hu-mom put a piece of pottery on the china cabinet within my reach. It’s still there.

Hu-mom put photos back out in the living room. They’re still there.

My big sister Faith plays with me. Plus, my brother, Gus, started to play with me. Sometimes he gets mad at me though.

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I get REALLY tired. Here, I fell asleep with my eyes open and a cow hoof in my mouth.

Hu-mom and I went to the nursery. I drove .

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I’m a Kaibab dog by association. Hu-mom is going to get a picture of Faith like this one of me.

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